


Re: boyfriend

by nymphori



Series: 1001 ways to be romantic [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6047287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nymphori/pseuds/nymphori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>606</b>: write a personal resume outlining you desirable qualities, your qualifications and relevant experience. Write an appropriate cover letter and mail it to them, or present it in person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Re: boyfriend

Keiji sits at his desk after lunch and sees the envelope sitting over his keyboard. It’s large and yellow and far more intimidating than any of the paperwork he usually deals with. He pushes it to the side, even though it looks important - if it really _is_ important, he should have an email somewhere that says what he should do with it.

There are no emails regarding the intimidating envelope, there are however several that Keiji needs to respond to regarding the conference he’s set to attend at the end of the month. He deals with them, which takes far longer than it needs to - Keiji will be glad for it to come and go - and two hours later he’s back to staring at the envelope.

Is it even for him? It’s so different to the paperwork that he usually gets, and most of the time the closest he gets to actual paper is a sticky note taped to his screen as a reminder to sign up for something, or to mark a date in his calendar. It’s probably not for him. On closer inspection it’s not even sealed, so Keiji can easily take a peek to see who it actually is meant to go to.

The format of what Keiji sees inside is easily recognisable, and when he sees a name stencilled across the top he knows that it’s come to the wrong place. _Very wrong_ considering that Kuroo Tetsurou’s office is two floors down. Keiji isn’t at all sure how he managed to get his hands on someone’s resume and he'll feel bad if whoever it was missed out on a job opportunity because of their own offices messed up internal mailing system.

Even though the proof of it’s failure is in his hands, Keiji attaches a note to the envelope and takes it to the reception area of his floor. They can deal with it. Just because they messed up once doesn’t mean that it will happen again. Really though, he just doesn’t want to have to deal with Kuroo. Not directly, not where they will be one on one, private; never when Keiji will have to visit him in his office. It had been scary enough the day Keiji came in for his job interview, he thought he would get over it, but it has been scary every moment since even though Keiji has now known the man for a fair while.

Kuroo is the scary one, not the office. It’s probably not even Kuroo, it’s probably just Keiji reading too much into everything the man said and looking too long at eyes that seem to take in far more than they let known. Keiji goes in and feels like he’s being undressed from his suit, even though working in human resources means that Kuroo is supposed to be making sure every one is comfortable, including Keiji. It’s probably just him, because everyone he’s ever talked to has only ever had good things to say about Kuroo, and nobody has ever come close to saying that Kuroo’s words often carry the hint of suggestion, of something else, of being provocative. Nobody else has ever hinted at the way most of Kuroo’s words border on being far too inappropriate for the workplace.

It can only be him, reading into things too much.

If Keiji actually told others how he thought of Kuroo, it would probably be written off as wishful thinking. Keiji has heard many stories and rumours surrounding the man - all good, strangely - and the most common of which is how attractive he the man is. A smile that makes people melt - Keiji thinks that it's a smile that hides secrets - and always a hit with partners and families when the end of year functions came around, to which Kuroo always showed up alone.

Wishful thinking indeed, there's a reason Keiji hears so much of these particular rumours. He listens for them. More wishful thinking is to wish that he didn’t find himself doing so.

 

 

The folder is back on his desk when he shows up to work on Monday.

There’s a note attached to it this time where Keiji can see the characters of his name printed neatly across the top. 

 

 

_Akaashi_  
_This is actually for you_  
_Kuroo_  
_xxx_

 

Keiji sees the marks over to the side and spends far too long thinking about them as he boots up his computer for the day. Are they there purposely or simply a remnant of Kuroo working through a to do list of some kind and marking through the paper? Does Kuroo know what they mean? What they allude too? Is there a reason for there being three of them? That has it’s own meaning as well.

He leaves it, Kuroo is far too confusing a person at the best of times and Keiji doesn’t want to deal with this on top of it. If it was important, _really important_ , Kuroo would have sent him an email or a message or _something_ to go along with the envelope.

After lunch there is one. An email. At the top of his inbox and marked high priority.

 

 

_Akaashi,_  
_Please get back to me asap regarding the file I left for you. It contains information on a very important hire that I think you will be interested in. Your input would be greatly appreciated before we go through with the interviewing process._  
_Kuroo_

 

 

Keiji has never been involved with a hire before, not outside of selling himself up when he applied for the job. Has he been told that he’s getting an assistant? He’s too far down the ladder for an assistant. Is it just for an intern that Keiji will have to deal with? Nobody is too low to deal with interns. Are they getting a new graduate into their department that he’ll be working with? Keiji hasn’t been told anything of the sort, but it has to be something along one those lines if Kuroo wants to get his opinion of someone.

Still, he answers some other emails first. Whoever it is has been waiting since Friday when Keiji first found the envelope and mistakenly sent it back down to Kuroo, and if he’s meant to form an opinion on it, Keiji doesn’t want the thought of other work and emails distracting him from it. He doesn’t want to cost someone a job. He can still clearly recall his own life after university, jobless and wondering why he ever continued on to further education when all it did was put him in debt. Then he had found his calling here and never looked back.

The envelope is in the bottom drawer of his desk where he had put it for the day. Out of sight, out of mind - well, that had been the plan anyway. It has been on his mind all day, and it has especially been on his mind in the half hour since he got back from lunch and saw Kuroo’s email. It's intimidating and important, and it apparently means that Keiji has worked here long enough to make hiring decisions. It's a symbol of how far he has managed to come in the department. His opinion is valued.

Or, then again, maybe it’s not.

Maybe Kuroo just wanted to play more tricks on him, and make Keiji’s mind sink further into the deep end on exactly what it was that went through Kuroo’s mind when Keiji was unlucky enough to be talking to him. Kuroo name is the only name present on the job application, at least up until the last page which contains a list of names, dates, and a few references. This is not the job application Keiji was expecting. His opinion is apparently not valued, and more than that, his time is judged to be so invaluable that Kuroo sees no problem in wasting it.

_Kuroo Tetsurou_ is still printed neatly across the top. This time though, Keiji reads through the whole thing.

 

 

_To whom it may concern,_

_My name is Kuroo Tetsurou and I am writing to you in regards to the position of boyfriend. I became aware of the availability through your solo attendance at functions over the past three months. I am a graduate of K University with a bachelor’s degree in Management and postgraduate qualifications in Human Resource Management. Presently I am working in Human Resources for the Department of Conservation and I am currently listed as single for tax purposes._

_I feel that I am well qualified for the position as I am a caring individual and consider myself to be an all around good person. I love to have fun, as evidenced by last quarters Christmas party. I enjoy going on trips and hanging out in general. Skill sets include: being laid back, having stability, cuddling, music appreciation, in depth knowledge of volleyball, oral sex, ability to listen, exceptional navigational skills, and the ability to prepare my own meals._

_I have included my resume of qualifications with this letter. I certainly hope that I will have an opportunity to work with you, your friends, and your family. I firmly believe that my past experiences, education, and skills make me a good fit for the position. You can reach me on my cell at any time or my email. I look forward to discussing a position with you in the near future._

_Thank you for your time and consideration._

_Sincerely, Kuroo Tetsurou._

 

Attached, as promised Keiji finds what Kuroo had called his resume but stands out to look more like some kind of application form.

 

 

Basic information:

  1. Full legal name: _Kuroo Tetsurou_
  2. Age: _26_
  3. Height: _187.7 cm_
  4. Weight: _75.3 kg_
  5. Eye colour: _amber_
  6. Hair colour: _black_



 

Under contact information Kuroo had written in his mobile number, his work email address, his personal email address, his line account, his work messenger name, and even provided Keiji with a twitter account. He isn’t interested in checking what Kuroo got up to on twitter. 

He isn’t. 

He is.

 

 

Getting to know you:

  1. Are you a virgin? _N_
  2. If no, how many sexual partners have you had? _6_
  3. Do you smoke? _N_
  4. Do you use any illegal substances? _N_
  5. Do you have kids? _N_
  6. If yes, how many? _-_
  7. Do you workout? _Y_
  8. Do you currently have a source of income? _Y_
  9. If yes, what is it? _More than yours Akaashi_
  10. Do you live on your own? _Y_
  11. If no, whom do you currently reside with? _-_
  12. What kind of car do you drive? _-_
  13. Furthest level of education? _Postgraduate diploma_
  14. Do you have a history of mental illness? _N_
  15. Favourite sport and team? _Volleyball, F. C. Tokyo_
  16. Have you ever cheated on a partner? _N_
  17. Do you cook? _Y_
  18. Do you have any siblings? _N_
  19. How many piercings (not including ears) do you have? _0_
  20. How many tattoos do you have? _0_
  21. What is your current favourite movie of all time? _The Lion King_
  22. List your three favourite genres of music in order of most favourite to least favourite: _Metal, Rock, Indie_



 

There was more information written down than Keiji really wants to know. Had Kuroo made this application up himself or been inspired by someone else, something else? Keiji didn’t need to know that Kuroo has apparently had six sexual partners, knowing that Kuroo had experience in the area was more than enough. If he chose to respond positively to the application - which he shouldn’t even be considering, but Kuroo must have put a lot of effort into this and he had even delivered it to Keiji - he would now be spending the period of time leading up to the act, if it got that far, worrying that he wasn’t good enough. He was severely lacking experience in that department. One high school girlfriend and an experience with her that had firmly rooted in that as the oldest child he would be a disappointment to his parents in providing the grandchildren they wanted didn’t even come close to Kuroo’s level of expertise.

 

 

Reasons I should pick you?

  1. What is your idea of a perfect date in three sentences or less? _We go out to the markets in the morning and pick out fresh food together. We go back to one of our apartments and I make you a meal from our purchases. The evening is spent wrapped up in a heated passion._
  2. Explain why I should pick you as my boyfriend in one sentence:  _You’re pretty, I’m handsome, I believe we could have fun together and seriously think that we would mutually benefit from entering into a relationship._
  3. List any special skills that you may have that are relevant to this position: _cooking skills, organisational skills, switch hitter, funny, caring, understanding, knows that your job sends you out of town regularly._
  4. What do you want out of a relationship, specifically one with me? _In a relationship I want companionship and someone to wind down with after a day at work. I want someone that I can pamper and smother with affection, although I do also know when that can be overbearing. I want to get to know you outside of our work environment, in a more personal manner. A relationship with you has the advantage of knowing what is expected of each of us from work, while still maintaining enough distance at said work that the presence would not be smothering. I've seen that you like to eat, and I like to cook, so I reiterate, this would be a mutually beneficial partnership. Also for your consideration: this way we both get the older ones off our backs about wanting to marry us off to their daughters._



 

 

He has never thought too hard about dates or perfect dates. Keiji has kept himself busy through university and his adult life so far being perfectly content to simply hang out with his friends. So why does Kuroo’s three sentence perfect date sound exactly like what Keiji is now thinking of as perfect? Why did it sound like it had been plucked from a dream that he didn’t remember having? Is that what Kuroo has really been doing while analysing Keiji too intently every time they have been in the same room? Busy picking out Keiji’s thoughts before he even gets to think them? He hates that he is thinking about this, seriously thinking about the application and putting all of Kuroo’s calculated words and claims into his life. He hates that he is agreeing that it really is an added benefit that if they dated it would get the older employees to stop trying to set him up on marriage interviews.

Still, this can’t be serious. All this could really be is Kuroo getting bored and deciding to have fun, Keiji apparently being the easiest target for his fun.

 

 

Relationship background:  
(list the details of your past three relationships)

  1. Were you in love? _N_
  2. Sexually Active? _Y_
  3. Am I prettier? _Y_
  4. Reason for breakup: _Didn’t like cats._



 

The other two were pretty much the same. Kuroo citing some ridiculous things as reasons to break up, although nothing that Keiji inherently thinks of as a red flag. One of the relationships had an asterisk next to where Kuroo had circled no for sexually active, going on to write that the person had been uninterested in sexual activity followed by an additional note that if Keiji were _also_ so inclined Kuroo had no problem with it. Which was fairly considerate of him. Keiji wonders what Kuroo would think if he knew that Keiji has _zero_ sexual experiences with men. He knows that some people find it off-putting to be the one taking away virginity.

Next Kuroo had listed two references for Keiji’s consideration. He isn’t going to call them, email them, or even really think about them, but he finds their presence on the page amusing. Especially as he recognises one of the names. He can't recall where he knows the name from, only that seeing _Bokuto Koutarou_ written out rings somewhere in the back of his mind as someone he knows.

 

 

_I hereby certify that the information given by me in this application is true to my knowledge and I give you the authorisation to verify it using any means you deem appropriate. I understand that by filling out this form and submitting it for review does not guarantee that I will be chosen._

 

Underneath the statement, Kuroo had signed and dated it. 

Keiji folds everything back into the envelope, and tucks it back into his bottom drawer. Is there anyway that he can pretend he hasn’t seen it? Can he email Kuroo back and say that it must have somehow been misplaced? Keiji is intrigued by Kuroo’s actions, curious; but even so he doesn't quite know what to think. If he agreed to _hire_ Kuroo for the position, would Kuroo then turn around and laugh at him, say that it had all been a joke?

It is too much and too strange. Keiji has a conference to prepare for, he is leaving Wednesday morning for it and will be there for the rest of the week. He has more important things to think about. He has more important things that need his immediate attention. Even just reading and rereading over the strange job application has taken up too much of his afternoon, and Keiji wants to get enough work done so that he won’t come back from the conference with a giant pile of work needing his immediate attention.

He will have to clock in overtime today, if he wants to get everything done.

 

 

Kuroo showing up at eight in the evening with a meal dropped off on Keiji’s desk and an accompanying wink didn’t help his productivity. It only makes his eyes lock on to the bottom drawer, and his mind wander towards _what ifs_. 


End file.
